Moving On: In Vitro Fertilization

The last update I gave about where we stood in our process to conceive was a frustrating post and point in this process.  Read Here  In short, my IUI + injectable cycle was cancelled due to too many mature follicles. While that is great news when you're preparing for IVF, it is not great news for an IUI. After I finished 10 days of Progesterone to induce a period after that disappointing news, I went in on CD3 to discuss what I thought was going to be Day 1 of injectables for another IUI. I said to Blair en route to this ultrasound that I just didn't have a good feeling. I'm no doctor, but at this point I have engrossed myself into ALOT of research and understand far too much about this process than I should. I knew that it was going to be difficult/impossible for them to detect 2-3 of these many follicles I produce (that are all around the same size at CD 10) and pluck out the 2-3  that are preferred and grow only those to 19mm + while leaving the rest to remain idle. It's just not possible. They do their best to monitor all of the follicles when i'm in every day for bloodwork and u/s but they aren't follicle puppet masters, although I believe that should be a trait possessed on every RE's resume. 

So this particular appointment, I went into the U/S room for my CD3 scan my doctor quickly looked at the screen {my ovaries} and told me to go ahead and sit up while handing me an RX for birth control. Ummmm, birth control? He started talking about my ovaries still being overstimulated and enlarged from the previous injectable cycle and started rattling off about how "you may need to take a few months off to see what you'd like to do for next steps, recoup the mind and body and come back this Fall".  THIS FALL?! I'm not sure what stepping away would accomplish here for us after trying this hard for this long, but I knew he was concerned about all that I was putting my mind and body through. Thing is, after having the mindset I've had up to this point, there is no way I can walk away now. I'm in far too deep. If I were to do so, I'm afraid I wouldn't ever come back. He then began to say that due to our "unknown infertility" diagnosis partnered with the fact we have exhausted IUI's at this time that our healthiest route upon our "return" would be IVF. 

I'm not sure why, but the words "IVF" flooded me with such mixed emotions. Hope, sadness, relief, shock, motivation, shock again. As previously mentioned, my sister went to the same facility nearly 3 years ago and IVF was their only option to conceive. I went through the emotional process then with her to try and support her. In hindsight, I was nowhere near as supportive as I should have been now knowing TRULY what she was going through. But, I also understand now that it's not really possible until/if you've gone through it. At the very moment Dr. H said those words I had a  vivid flashback of myself, sitting in the same U/S room with my sister a few years back, sending a prayer to God saying "please never let me have to walk in these same incredibly difficult shoes someday, please."  Three years later, here I am.  We will begin nearly the same process as her. The blessing in that she's been there, done that and is a wonderful resource for me. Most importantly my beautiful nephew is here to prove that at the end of each stick, prick, prod, hope, doubt, financial burden and wait that the end is oh so worth it. I really hope and pray that this route also works for us and that the end of our journey is near.

I mean just look at this face?! 

Decision time comes quickly if you want to get on the calendar at Bethesda. Dr. H's waiting room is filled with languages from all over the world so there wasn't much time to be had until we had to pull the trigger to get on the schedule. We have considered the possibility of this being an option  for us at some point already, and the process isn't entirely foreign to us. Our only reservation that we had about IVF was what to do if/when we produce many embryo. Most doctors retrieve as many mature eggs as you've produced and then transfer {usually 1-2 embryo} into the uterus. The rest of the embryo are frozen to be used when you are ready for another transfer. The longer they freeze the less viable they are. Not everyone responds well the first IVF cycle and may need to transfer others right away and the remainder (if there are any) are stored. Ethically, we felt that we would have to transfer 100% of what we produced to give them a shot at implantation and life. Some people don't see the embryo stage as "life" but we do. We feel that what started as an embryo was given life by God and "turned into an Isaac" so we had reservations about IVF considering although we want children, we don't want a brood. Based upon my bodies response in the past in producing many eggs, we were concerned that we would have alot of embryo that we would have to transfer. Of course that isn't guaranteed and we may have zero extras. When we discussed our reservations of "having too many extra embryo" Dr. H told us that technology had come a long way since my sister's transfer and went on to tell us that we can draw the line wherever we want the line drawn. They will abide by our rules when it comes to IVF. There is no guarantee that we will have any extra embryo, but based upon my over stimulation the last cycle we are likely (and I say that with reservation) to respond well to IVF.  They said should we feel worried about having too many embryo, we could give them a percentage of embryo to keep & the rest of my mature eggs could be frozen instead. Eggs are very important of course, but they are only a cell. They are no different than the skin cells one sheds on a daily basis. In the future, should we do another transfer, I wouldn't have to go through the medicated front end of the cycle with many injectables and risk of over stimulation and would just thaw out the eggs that we have {which might I add are literally frozen in time and are the age of my eggs the day of freeze which is always nice) to use with  sperm for an embryo transfer {not largely different than the IUI process}. With this news, we immediately felt better about considering IVF as an option for us as we wouldn't have to cross that bridge of freezing many embryo.

With all that being said, I'm on BC now and my ovaries will begin to heal from the injectable overstim and we will step off this high dive & plunge into yet another unknown to begin an IVF cycle when given orders to. I'm really hopeful about this process as it's finally a procedure with the strongest chance at conceiving than what we've done so far. Of course nothing is guaranteed, but I'm keeping a "cautiously optimistic" mindset about it. I know once the process begins however, I'll be hopping on that oh so familiar teeter totter ride.

xoxo,

Andi