2014, Goodbye to a Brutiful Year!

Oh 2014, you were my hardest/best year yet. For all the hits my heart took this year, I think it's safe to say I have re-confirmed Newtons Law; That for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. For as much stress and heartache I've felt this year, I've also been given the capacity to feel just as much love and joy. It was a "brutiful year" indeed. 

We built a brand new home that we love and have made many new friends in our new town. We both are healthy, our families remained healthy, our careers both are successful and filled with growth and enough challenges to keep us on our toes. Most importantly, we finally were able to conceive a child. After all the ups & downs, many many hours  years endured in the trying to conceive department with specialists and great agony seeing negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test, we finally had that positive & now have our sweet bundle on the way. For that reason alone, this year has been made for us. 

Life certainly doesn't come without it's challenges. How you react to them is what matters most. Jack Dempsey said one of my favorite all times quotes that I can sum up how I dealt with the tough times this year, "A champion is someone who gets up even when they can't". That's how it feels day after day after day of physical and emotional defeat from infertility. IUI's and IVF; the needles and the side effects of the drugs, it's no walk in the park. But you have to keep going, you have to keep getting back up for more blows. Eventually you'll knock the shit out of it and that's what I tried to envision on the worst of days.  When I let myself think back to "before", I shudder and want to forget it all forever. But then I remember all the women out there who are still fighting the fight. I'm sending a new pair of boxing gloves & many well wishes to you all in 2015. You will win in the end. Those who have been in your shoes haven't forgotten about you and what you're struggling through. I still ache for women, many whom I know and others that I've never met. My best advice is to just keep getting up, especially when you feel like you can't. You will be able to face & handle anything after making it out to the other side. Just keep swimming {and hoping} :) 

When people used to tell me that "God won't give me more than I can handle", I would think to myself, oh, but he DOES. The absolute best learning point for me this year has been to really get to know and trust God. I didn't really know what needing him meant until I had no other choice. I didn't know what it meant until I cried myself to sleep many a night and didn't think I would ever be able to wake up and face life again. The time I was on my hands and knees in my closet praying/begging him to bring us our baby. The times I lay my hand on the second beating heart in my belly and beg him to bring this baby to me, happy & healthy. Those are the times that taught me Jesus is not just a convenient symbol of love or a reason to do good. No, he’s as real and necessary as the very air we breathe. And he’s the only one who can make it bearable when life is simply anything but. He is the one that can make more of each of our lives than we could ever, ever achieve on our own--even and especially in our greatest trials and through our deepest pain. My prayers this year went from long sentences and details to just two words; "please God". He knew my heart and was finally done working on me, thankfully our prayers were answered. 

My wish to all of you is that you get all of your hearts desires in the year ahead!! :) Happy New Year and bring it on 2015!

xoxo,

Andi

Pregnancy Update: Weeks 17-20

Yesterday was my 20 week U/S and the good news is the baby looks great and is developing wonderfully. All the very important pieces and parts are where they need to be (we didn't find out the gender but even if we wanted to we wouldn't have been able to; legs were crossed even though the baby was moving and grooving all over the place for the tech) and baby is thriving en utero. Would it be a doc appointment/pregnancy that goes without bumps in the road for me? Of course not. 

Bad news is that they found a large exposed vessel blocking my uterus where the baby would exit vaginally that could rupture at anytime. This condition is called vasa previa is VERY rare (1 and 2,000 pregnancies will have this); lucky me!! First off, there are WAY worse things that could happen & the best news is that baby is healthy. The scary news is if I begin to bleed at any time from here until 35 weeks I will need to be on hospital bedrest (I am already on pelvic rest: no gym, no sex, no orgasms, #killmenow). IF the vessel ruptures it is fatal to the baby within minutes so that's why I may have to be admitted to the hospital if at any point bleeding, labor signs, shortening of cervix, etc occurs. There is a possibility that as my uterus grows upwards towards my breastplate the further this pregnancy progresses that will also tug the placenta upwards a bit and that vessel can move away from the opening of my vagina. Please pray that this happens!! I will be monitored every two weeks at this time with more dildocams trans-vaginal ultrasounds so luckily they caught this early and we will be able to stay ahead of the curve. The ideal case here is for the baby to get to 35 weeks then schedule a C-section to avoid the exposed vessel bursting during labor and delivery. Should the baby not make it that far along before I begin to show labor signs, we'll do a C section at that time and be spending some time in the NICU. What I'm most dreading is the hospital bed rest. The doctor said at earliest I will be admitted at 28 weeks, but what they typically see is 32 wees admittance. So, looks like we'll be meeting this sweetie as early as end of March/beginning of April vs. mid May. Hoping and praying for not a second sooner. Trying to stay calm, positive and keep it together when all I really want to do is scream at the top of my lungs "REALLY?!! I CLIMB MT. EVEREST TO GET HERE & NOW I HAVE ANOTHER UPHILL CLIMB?!! REALLY!!!!???"-- then I immediately begin to beg God again to protect myself and my baby. I know he didn't get us this far to abandon us, so I'm just trusting in that for now.

Maternity Clothes/Clothes: yep! and some of these cozies will have to be ripped out of my cold dead fingers PP! Leggings, long tanks, loving being pregnant in the winter.

Weight Gain:  14 pounds.... Its not easy to see the number on the scale, but now that I know I'm MORE than halfway through my pregnancy (if I deliver beginning of April) I'm not as worried about the weight. Especially b/c I'm more worried about a life or death evil vessel monster in the way of my dream vaginal path and no drug induced birth plan. Still trying to wrap my head around the C-section part, clearly.

Stretch Marks: None yet! I've been using true coconut oil- "the black girl kind" thanks to my African American homies that made sure I was hooked up with the good stuff. 

Movement: Lots of movement!! Thank God! I love it...such a fun little experience only shared by the two of us (next to Blair feeling it kick and my Mom too the other day). Turn some jams on and this baby starts poppin' it and droppin' it. Yep, it's my kid.

What I'm loving:  Ugh, Oreos. Someone take them off the market so I'll stop. Dipped in a cold glass of milk? I die. I've limited myself to 5 each serving, and I only splurge about twice a week on them-- But I still feel guilty. Cereal constantly, cant get enough (also bad)...hmmmm what else? Fruit until I'm about to make myself sick & Chic Filet Chicken Sandwiches-- it's the only way I'll eat chicken.

Sleep:  Already starting to get uncomfy now that my belly is actually popped out (wtf, I have no abs to roll over?!) and of course I've had this sinus stuff going around so I cant breathe. BUT, the body pillow is absolutely magical. Best invention yet.

Things I miss: red wine of course, and getting in hard workouts. I also miss feeling rested, already. I'm always tired, it's a part of me now. 

Energy: see above. Tired often but god bless naps! Luckily I'm not back to work until 1/5 and lord knows what the rest of my itinerary will look like with this vasa previa travel wise so just playing it by ear and taking it one day at a time.

Workouts:  Workouts were great and happening about 3x weekly until yesterday. You may be reading about me in the papers since I now have ZERO outlet for relieving stress. Pelvic rest is a cruel cruel joke-- but hey--i'm not messing around here and will follow doctors orders for the health of this little nugget. It just may require me to be an angry, fat slob for awhile.

Symptoms:  The stretching & splitting of my ab muscles is the most noticeable and painful for me, but next to that some days I forget that I'm even pregnant.

Ultrasound, 12/29: Trying to focus on the sweet smiling baby in these U/S pics and not this colorful vessel that's running down my uterus-- prayers that in 4-6 weeks I'm in a totally different seat than I am now and that it doesn't reside in a hospital!

Sweet Baby A smiling en utero!

apparently this is hard to catch on the US so props to my tech for catching it early.... this is Vasa Previa

In other news, my friend Brittany helped me to get started on the wainscoting wall over Christmas break that I've been wanting to do myself, so that was VERY helpful. With my math/measuring skills we could have been in trouble. I'll post the "how to" in a few days for those who may have interest in doing it to a room in your house. It cost $100 and only took a few hours. It was a really easy project with a dramatic look! We put the crib back together and sat it in the room, but we still need to stencil the top of the wall above the wanescoting and get the rest of the decor in place. All of that is currently being sped up a bit (I'm glad I got a head start on this wall now) since we don't know for sure when the baby will arrive now. Here are some before/during/after pics! Stay tuned for the final nursery reveal but here it is at this time. 

boring grey wall before

putting up the MDF boards we cut during

LOTS of nails here people, lots of them!

after painting!

this morning as the sun was coming through :) Isn't that crib just magical? le sigh.....

Xoxox,

Andi 

Loving Lately

My Husband.

I never wondered if Blair would be an incredible Dad. I know he will be one of the best, just like my Dad & his Dad is. He's a teacher and a coach for young men. He spends everyday motivating, instructing, educating and Fathering young men and women already. He chose his career path specifically to help change others lives. He's stern but has a teddy bear heart to those who truly know him. I love that he's the oldest of 5 and already has a world of experience in "parenting" and caring for his younger siblings. As a baby of 2, I never had the same exposure. It makes me feel safe, and like I will really be able to lean on him when I'm overwhelmed. We yin and yang; where I lose my mind and have no patience, he does. And the areas that make him maddened, don't even phase me. I'm so anxious to see him care for our own child after seeing him care for others for so long. I know he will be amazing at being a Father. 

A few months back he left me a card before my flight to Ireland. He has always blown me away with his words (written), and it's one of the many reasons I fell in love with him, really. We always left/leave notes, cards, poetry for each other to read. Some are silly pick me ups ('Yubb You' in deodorant on the bathroom mirror), some are little "drive safe, i'll miss yous", some are lengthy handwritten letters that blow me away, and this specific card, among the many, struck a cord in me. I felt compelled to document it just in case this card ever grows legs and walks away. It means so much to me.

 Last night was the first time Blair felt our bambino at 17.5 weeks. So amazing. After a spicy pasta dinner this rugrat was doing full out gymnastics routines in my belly and I thought, I bet if I can feel it this strong he can. So we gave it a go and seconds later, fist bumps for Dad! Incredible. I feel so blessed. What an amazing experience that I pray every woman wanting to have children gets to experience. It was worth every stick, prick, probe, and frustration to get here. 

Andi,

I am SO PROUD of you. Actually though, that statement doesn't quite do justice to how I feel. A better way to state it would be to say that I am in AWE of you! I vow to make sure that this child knows what a strong, courageous, fierce mother he/she has. To say that this baby is lucky to have you as a Mom would be quite an understatement. It has been a difficult journey to get here but I know now I wouldn't change a thing. I used to say/think that I was looking for a woman to marry that would be a great Mother to my children. I didn't know that I would need a great woman to get through the adversity it would take to even have children. Now, as I eagerly await a lifting of new joys which I have never before, know that I will owe them all to you and your resilient spirit. My greatest joy personally is the fulfillment that I get to share through you. I love you the most.

Blair

{SWOON}

XOX,

Andi 

Holiday Photos

We haven't taken family pics since our engagement pics so it was about time we got some. Luckily my friend Lynn with LL Photography was able to squeak us in for a mini session when we were in Columbus Thanksgiving weekend; we love the pics!! They turned out great. Holiday cards are supposed to come in the mail today and once they are out I'll post the final holiday card. Holiday cards (receiving and sending) are my favorite part of the season. It's so fun to see everyone's pictures and updates and trips they've taken throughout the year. They are starting to roll in and I am like a 5th grader skipping to the mailbox daily to see which adorable family I get to post on the fridge next. Can't believe next year Baby A will be adorning the cover of ours.... I can hardly wait!

Enjoy some of the sweet pics Lynn took of our family <3 Thanks Lynn!

XOXO,

Andi

Thanksgiving Recap + Pregnancy Weeks 14-16

December 1st?!! Slowwww down time. Actually, don't! I'm ready for Spring already ;) 

Thanksgiving this year was really nice. We did B's side of the family this year on the actual holiday and my parents this past weekend. It's safe to say we are stuffed to the gills and don't care to see turkey for a longggg time. Luckily B was off school the entire week, so next to basketball in the mornings, we had time to knock out alot on our to do list. We broke down the crib that has been sitting in our eat in kitchen for a month, fixed our electric outlets that haven't worked for even longer (in the kitchen) and were able to get all of our Christmas decorations/live tree in place for this month. Amazing what can be accomplished when you actually have a husband, eh?! :) 

it was pretty cute to see him actually WANT to do this. Usually I'm the "handyman" around our house. This baby is going to have him wrapped around it's finger.

the dogs aren't impressed!

after catching it after a few falls due to a faulty base, THE TREE IS UP!

love Dec....evenings with the Christmas lights on and the fireplace ablaze.

We had our family pics taken for our holiday cards which I'm SO EXCITED to see & finally get ordered. I should have done this sooner so to not miss out on all of the holiday specials, but oh well... things are moving a bit slower around here these days.

Speaking of pics, here are some updated pics as I finally have a mini bump!! Week 15 things weren't looking very big and a few days ago, I popped. I've only gained 6 lbs in 16 weeks, eating basically whatever I feel like, so that's a plus. I hear that second trimester is when you pack the most on, and with Thanksgiving and Christmas on the calendar, I'm sure that's exactly what I'll do. I've been walking 4-5 miles a day and doing light lifting so that's helped. I figure as long as I am able to, I'll keep burning the cals and staying as healthy as I can for this babe. I'm finally back to eating normal and feeling pretty fantastic (next to peeing all the time and sciatica that's already in full force). But, no complaints here. Pregnancy overall has been pretty enjoyable!

post egg retrieval bloat vs. 15 weeks

16 week bump time baby!

is it odd to show more in the front than the side? ...either way, this nugget is finally making it's appearance!

Looking forward to wrapping this year up with a big ol' bow and moving forward to 2015!  I just know it will be our best year yet! We couldn't feel more thankful, grateful and blessed. Happy Holiday Season friends!

xoxo,
Andi