39 weeks and still baking.... Cs date tomorrow!!

Who in the world would have expected this little chica to still be cozy and baking at 39w? NOT ME! My bags have been packed for weeks expecting another 36 ish water break and 37w delivery, but not this little lady. I'm hoping that's a sign that she's going to be my chill child. I am a firm believer that how you come into this world (even how you are en utero) is already your natural make up as to how you will approach life as a child and an adult. My older sister was born early and is impatient, cant stand surprises, and always in the know! She is always a few steps ahead of everyone else. Me however, born nearly 4 weeks later after my Mom had to chug caster oil, have always been laid back and go with the flow. Sure I have my Type A traits and stay ontop of things, but when it comes to life, my approach is very much a "what will be will be" sort of logic. I'm so excited to see what she looks like and how her little personality is!!

 

Tomorrow is our scheduled repeat Cs to meet her! We originally went into this pregnancy seeing if I could VBAC as she's been head down, but the risk with inducing and VBAC'ing goes up 10 fold. I'm not THAT pro VBAC to endure the risks for her and I, even though it would have been cool to experience both ways. At least this way I know what I'm getting into, and even better my sister will be in the OR as I've decided to use another ON-Q pump, so that will be extra special as she'll be there to help the surgeon place it if need be.

 

This last day as a Mama of one I've been trying to nap, relax, get some laundry done and organize some things for my in-laws and parents who will be helping out with Adlee while I'm in the hospital. I am so excited to finally introduce her to her little sister & she is starting to know something is just around the corner as well!! This pregnancy has been 180 different than Adlee's, so I hope that doesn't mean the L&D experience won't go as smoothly as hers did, or recovery. All of that is out of my hands, and in less than 24 hours we will be holding our little lady and allll of this will be behind us. The infertility journey, the high and low risk pregnancies..... we will be closing this chapter on growing our family and will be completed as a Family of 4!!!

 

I can hardly wait!!

 

 

XO,

Andi

37w pregnant, losing steam, patience is a virtue!

This time, last pregnancy, my water broke and I was off to have Adlee who was born at exactly 37w. This round, I'm 37w and I am only 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. I know that's not 100% indicative of going into labor as Adlee was also only 1cm dilated at this time when she broke my water, but I do have to say it's a little discouraging to hear when you're SO READY to meet your little sweetie.

 

As I've stated before, this pregnancy is 180 different from Adlee's so I wonder how it's all going to shake out. The discomfort from her being head down is definitely a different sensation than a breech child, and with Adlee although I had swelling and Carpal Tunnel (I now have that with this child) I also have Restless Leg Syndrome and Insomnia with this one. I wouldn't wish RLS (or CP for that matter) on my worst enemy. The RLS keeps me up twitching and itching and the nerve response to all of that is just out of this world frustrating and exhausting. I hope to God I don't go until my 39.6w scheduled Cs on 4/30!!! I'll be 39w on 4/25 but that's only 2 days prior to Adlee, and I really don't want her day to be about me in a hospital with the new baby for her 3rd birthday. So, I shall suffer a few more days until I get to hold little lady #2 if it comes down to that.

The great news is work has been going really well, and I've been crushing my quota which means I can work from home mainly managing orders and rest when needed during the day. I have #momguilt about dropping Adlee at school on the days I have little work, but I know she's entertained there with her school friends better & I'm able to relax and put my feet up and nap when necessary. There are many parts of the day where you have to push away the guilt and tell yourself that they are cared for and loved and that's what really matters. I'm sure it's not going to get easier with a second, but rather much harder to juggle both. On top of it all, Adlee is entering her "threenager" year and is starting to push back on authority, challenge the rules, have 3 year old meltdowns and all of that fun stuff! We are going to be in for it with Little Miss Independent/Headstrong very soon + Little Sis. Here's to hoping she takes the Big Sis role by the reigns and becomes helpful vs. jealous. Time will tell....

 

Although this time in my pregnancy is challenging, I'm trying to take it one day at time and try and enjoy the fact she is my last. Still contemplating VBAC vs. repeat Cs, and trying to "Give it to God" as know he already has it all mapped out and it is always perfect in His way, in His time. Some days are easier than others for sure, at this stage a day feels like a year, but people have certainly endured worse; including myself in the wait for conception. I certainly thank my lucky stars that we've made it this far and have another little miracle soon to arrive for us to love on.

Life is so good, we are so blessed, and cannot WAIT to meet Little Miss AC :)

 

 

 

XOX,

Andi 

33w, a letter to Adlee

Adlee James,

 

As we slowly inch closer and closer to my due date with your sister, I try to capture all the moments left just you and I. We play "tea party", jump on the indoor trampoline (you laugh and laugh at trying to show me how high you can jump, trying to impress me with the barely soaring heights you're little legs are making), and my favorite is laying with you at night when I tuck you in, talking about school and unwinding while I rub your back or stroke your hair. When you ask me, "Mommy, will you lay with me??" Some nights I'm really tired and want to tell you, "another time, sweetie", but then I think to myself that we never know if we'll get a next time, and more so than anything I'm just thankful that you want & need me. I know someday that you won't.  I know soon it will be more hectic juggling it all, especially while breastfeeding your sister, so I'm doing everything I can to bottle up our times together.

 

You have such a mature and kind way of looking at me pregnant that it can't help but rub off on me a little too!! The other day I stopped and looked in the mirror after giving you a bath, while cleaning up your bathroom and turning off the light. It was an especially long work day, your dad was gone coaching and I was left feeling on E after dinner, bath time and managing a pregnancy in it's third trimester. My hair was in a top knot, I was in a robe I'd worn every evening for 3 nights, and just thought to myself, "man you look haggard, and huge". At that very moment you came running around the corner and said, "Wow Mommy, Sissy is getting so BIG and STRONG in there. You're doing a GREAT JOB and then soon she'll POP OUT!!" You hugged my middle, yelled hello to your Sissy and gave my belly a big kiss. In that moment, I looked back in that mirror and snapped a pic of myself just to capture the me that YOU see; the one that you love and are proud of despite of the negative things I had been telling myself in my own mind. If we all could see and love eachother with the mind and innocence of a child, this world would be a much better place.

Your heart is so gentle and kind; I hope that always remains. You dropped your babydoll (Che) down the steps and ran down them sobbing big crocodile tears after her. You were apologizing, rubbing her back "shhhing" her telling her Mommy was here, that it was an accident. It absolutely broke my heart to see you sad and crying like that. It gave me a glimpse into the future where someday you'll come to me with a true broken heart. Things that I cannot protect you from or shield you from experiencing are things a parent can never prepare themselves for. Your happiness and security are always my main focus, which right now I can control. At the age where I won't be able to is one that I certainly dread. But, I won't get ahead of myself on that!! I just hope you are as pure and loving as you are today.

I'm really enjoying you at this age and can't wait to see you become a wonderful Big Sissy! There aren't enough words or ways for me to tell you how much I love you that will resonate loud enough; perhaps it'll take until you're a Mama yourself to truly know. I think on some level it did for me!! I hope you can feel our love for you deeply and that you know even though your sister will soon be in our arms, you will always be my baby. My first born. The one who made me a Mama and made my dreams a reality.

 

I love you so much!! More than yesterday, but less than tomorrow.

 

Always,

Mom 

YAY to the Third Trimester! The end is near + Maternity Picture Love

29 weeks and feeling pretty good! Belly is O.U.T & Large Marge in Charge has arrived! :) I've been pretty full throttle with work and managing Adlee through basketball season, but I'm beginning to hit a third trimester wall....understandably. It's amazing what the body can do and how far it can go/ stretch. Thankfully I got out with no stretch marks with Adlee and crossing fingers for the same with this babygirl. I have 0 idea how I couldn't have any, but I hear it's genetics. THANK YOU MOM/GRANDMA! I do have my Cs scar though that shows my stripes earned! Weight gain is increasing, and I'm +22 lbs, which overall isn't bad at all (just uncomfortable at only 5'2"). This body has fluctuated up or down 5 lbs it's entire post pubescent life so packing on that much is always a stark reality! I'm self conscious from time to time being in medical sales, as I'm waddling down the hospital halls & trying to not pant aloud after climbing the stairs when speaking to clinicians, but I'm also starting to just accept the fact that this is reality for me and pregnancy & it's all for a good cause. Daily reminder to self on that one. Some days are easier than others!

"Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be." - Carrie Fisher
 

 

 

Baby girl is healthy, over 3lbs now and 15" or so, and that's really all that matters, truly. I've said it 100x, but I really can't believe I'm pregnant again most days. I told B last night as we were winding down for bed how overwhelming the idea is. Having a child, a human being, GROWING INSIDE OF YOU. Feeling little fingers and toes, seeing them move, getting to know them from the inside. It's so unreal to me, still. So much responsibility, so much can go wrong, yet somehow things somehow go right, it's just overwhelming when you really think of it. How far you've come together, how far you still have to go. All the what if's..... pregnancy is truly magical. I'm proud to be a woman every single day.


 

 

Adlee is at a great stage in life at nearly 3 years old, so that has been really helpful. I think she's going to be such an amazing big sister. She's so interested in this pregnancy, always talking about her sister & making Valentine's crafts for her & I  in school. I got my maternity pictures back, some of which made me cry, and it was hard to take in the fact I'll soon be sharing my time with her with babygirl to be. I know when they're old enough to play and interact together it'll feel like this is the way our family has always been, but I'm also trying to prepare for the difficulty of sharing my time with both and feeling like I can't give enough of myself to either. Let alone my job and marriage. A lot on women's plates these days.... so much to juggle.... yet, so much to LOVE!

 

I don't have any pictures of my Mom and I when I was a baby, let alone when I was en utero, so although I don't feel like I look optimal in these, it's not about me. I know we all will look back on them fondly. I already do. My two sweet little miracles, captured in time. Feeling so so blessed. There's not enough words to describe my happiness and gratitude for this life. Soon we'll be a family of 4, and I really just can't wait to see what that looks like!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

XO,

Andi

6 months along!! Pregnancy updates, life lately & Adlee as a Big Sister To Be!

 

6 months along now and time is going pretty quickly!! I'm starting to feel uncomfortable at nights (same as Adlee's pregnancy, my nose gets swollen during pregnancy and I have difficulty breathing when I lay down) and the amount of times I have to pee is INSANE. I've tried to consume more water this round as I swell to high heaven and I'm hoping that helps to flush the fluids out, but I swear I get a good 5 hours of sleep a night, and it's all broken up. Le sigh. Just getting me prepared for the feeds every 3 hours I suppose!

 

Speaking of, "how much does it suck to go back to the infant stage?", I wonder. I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I very much am. However, when you have a toddler who sleeps 730p-7a every night and doesn't bother you whilst latching on to your nips every 3 hours like an infant, I wonder to myself how I'm going to go back there!? I assume the bond is instant, and the sacrifices come natural again. However, what I've found this pregnancy the second time around is that there is NO level of naivety. I am fully aware of the blast that is about to occur and the exhaustion that's ahead and I have to admit that's a bit scary now that we're in such a great place with a 2.5 year old. It is nice to cherish every step this second pregnancy however, as I know that it will more than likely be my last. Putting an end of a chapter to something is always a little difficult and makes you cherish exactly were you're at, so when I get a little anxious, I just try to focus on the fact that I've been there, done this before, and know that it's all a stage. Some hard, some lovely, but all passing. Embracing this stage while I have it.  

 

Other doubts and concerns: Will she be as cool and fun as Adlee? Will she have a joyous, easy going personality? Will she be more cuddly/needy and not as independent? Will she be anywhere as social? Will she nurse as easily? Please God don't let her be colicky like Adlee was as an infant. Will she set her own schedule, be as set and timed as Adlee was about everything? Will she just go along with the flow like they say most second children do? I'm a second child, so I sure hope to connect and love her as much as the first. I know these are silly thoughts and one shouldn't compare, but my MO is typically full throttle, and then when the end of the journey arrives or it's "go time" I completely FREAK internally. As they were wheeling me down to the OR with Adlee, I was asking Blair if we would be good parents, would we love her as much as we think we will/do now, what if we didn't like being parents?!! I'm ridiculous, I realize that. But the struggle is real, and this is what I think about. I look forward to the day I can say, like most parents do, "it's as if she was a part of our family all along".

   

At 24 weeks, I've gained 18 lbs, and overall feel pretty energetic. I've been able to keep up with YOGA workouts and such, light lifting and doing enough to keep my endorphins up. However, it's been in the negative degrees so my walks have been cut short. This pregnancy I've craved bananas and rice cakes + peanut butter. I cut out most dairy post pregnancy with Adlee, but this round I've definitely craved milk and more calcium rich foods. Overall, I haven't had many/any aversions and next to the swelling, nose sitch again, haven't had many other side effects that are discerning. I passed the 20w scan with flying colors and currently no issues or placenta concerns, so that's most important. Hopefully these are all signs that baby girl is going to be easy going and not the opposite of how her pregnancy as been, HA!!

 

Adlee has transitioned over to her toddler room/bed with ease and the nursery is all unpacked and ready for the arrival of baby girl #2! Now, if we could only get her potty trained (eye roll) we'll have checked the boxes of all of our pre-baby to do's, but that's not going over quite as easily as I expected. She totally understands the concept, and wants to rock her Princess Panties, but has 0 desire to actually go on the potty. Gf is stubborn, per usual, and will sit there for HOURS, then get up and pee on the floor. With it being basketball season and PLENTY on our plates currently, we've decided to wait until Spring Break in March to focus on it whole heartedly, unless she seems ready beforehand. Crossing fingers I'm not buying toddler AND newborn diapers, sweet Lord!

  That's all the updates for now. I've been slacking on blog time, but wanted to check in briefly to document what's up as being a second child myself with very little documentations and pictures to see from then vs. my older sisters; I just cant go doing that to babygirl! We can't wait to see her in April and witness all the big sister love that's coming her way. Adlee is THRILLED and loves oiling my belly, talking to her sister, and often shouts out of nowhere, "I'm going to be a big sister!! I LOVE YOU SISSY!!" It just melts my heart.....

 

 

Until next time,

 

Andi