Ladybug,
You are half
way to one year! On one hand it feels like I was just
being wheeled into the OR to anxiously await those first sweet cries of
yours, and on the other hand it's as if you've always been ours. There
isn't a day that goes by that I don't think how lucky I am to call you mine.
That's the thing about spending years wondering if you'll ever get the shot at
that one thing you want so badly. When my dream finally came
true, and I became your Mama, it put the rest of my life into perspective.
Nothing seems as important as it once was. Work isn't as frustrating, and the
"big picture" in my life has become much clearer. Regardless of how
tired I am, how sore my back is, or how little time I have for myself, it's all
still SO joyous because I never knew if I would have the opportunity to be
a Mom. Even the hard days are good days because it's easy to reflect
back to all the times when I hoped that my dream {you} would become reality.
Now that my reality is here, I look at things differently. Life was wonderful
before of course, but since you, it's gotten a whole lot sweeter!
I haven't
ever really believed in coincidences. I've always thought of them as "God
Winks", or messages from our higher power. When we were trying to
conceive you and my faith was becoming slim month after month of negative
pregnancy tests, I had two very vivid dreams that I would become a Mom. Never
once did I believe they were at random.
In one
dream, I was walking behind a little girl (you) and her Poppy (my Dad). I could
see you two holding hands while walking down the side walk laughing and
being silly. The little girl had long blonde hair & kept saying
to her Poppy "Nooo, I'm Carty.
You're not Carty, I'm
Carty". And he, as your Poppy Carty, kept repeating "Noooo, I'm Carty"! And she would
toss her head back and laugh and laugh. I tried to catch up to you two to
see your face and right before I got to you, I woke up. For awhile we thought
we may name you Carty, it worked for both genders, and since we were waiting to
find out (although I was nearly certain you were a girl) it made sense. In the
second dream, I could physically feel myself giving birth to you and the
entire room yelled "it's a girl!!" I woke up with tears running down
my cheeks. The dreams were so vivid and so real, I knew one day I would be a
Mama. I just prayed it would be soon.
The story of
how you got your name came from a "God Wink". It arrived
just before we started our IVF cycle. I was reading the blogs I follow one
morninng and stumbled upon one of a friend/photographer and her recent
clients shoot. We just had our IVF consultation and I was feeling pretty
anxious about it all when I opened this post.and saw an adorable thick
blonde haired baby with the cutest cherub face named Adlee. First off, she
looked really similar to me as a baby, and obviously, I loved her name. After
reading the story about Adlee finally finding her way to her adoptive
parents, I was in tears. The blog went on to talk about how Adlee's Mom and Dad
had struggled with infertility for years and went through all the treatments
possible only to have failed results. Finally, after several failed
adoptions as well, they got a call that a baby girl was just born &
available if they wanted her right away. It was the moment that made me realize
that all of this is out of my control, my moment of surrender. I
knew however & whenever you'd get here, that you finally would, somehow.
During our
IVF cycle, I channeled & repeated the name "Adlee" to myself for
every painful shot, retrieval, transfer and acupuncture session throughout that
cycle. I envisioned you being created for me in heaven at that very moment and
put a name to those prayers. And that my sweetie is how the name Adlee came to
be yours. It encompasses the hope
and belief that I
kept in my heart all those trying days that I prayed for you.
You were
sent to us in His always perfect timing. The "winks" were there
all along. Sometimes they are loud and sometimes you have to listen real hard
for them (and be patient, that's the real
hard part). I never knew that His creation would be as beautiful as you. You
are definitely worth the wait!
Happy 6
Months My Babygirl. I love you so!
XOXO,
Mom
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