Life with AJ is becoming so fun as of late. We have hit our stride and all are coexisting pleasantly. She is really starting to notice her toys, patterns, her hands and fingers. and is very happy especially in the morning. Giggling and cooing & lots of laughter while just looking at her Mama. She clearly knows who I am and can focus in on my face now as well as respond to my silly ways. It's adorable. Just in time to head back to work and find a new norm, sigh. I'm not looking forward to leaving her but I know that business as usual is necessary and we'll find our new schedule. Trying to figure out bottles and what to freeze/leave fresh, etc as I'm on the road some days and others I'll be home office is daunting. I've decided I'll push it off another day, including pumping. lol!
I had an epiphany regarding my love for breast feeding the other day and why I have a hard time wanting to pump and begin to share the feeding time. It's really the first thing non chemically induced (next to carrying her throughout my pregnancy of course). This has come easily for Adlee and I, clearly, I mean look at those luscious rolls! After trying for years, too many months of Clomid, Letrozole & IUI's to count, as well as IVF with all the pricks and sticks and meds, I haven't had to supplement or add anything unnatural to the process with breast feeding and I'm not ready to let that go. Luckily she's only 10 weeks so I don't have to (I promise I won't breastfeed her when she's 2) but I really love that my body has done so well and I have had 0 pain or supply issues while breastfeeding. Knock on wood! It's been a magical process, even if it has been a ton of work. To add the complexity and components of pumping, bottling and all that jazz just seems so much harder than sticking her on to feed, but we'll get there.
Life lately has been soaking up the rest of summer and my maternity leave. We caught Adlee's first Reds game, went to Columbus for the 4th of July and saw The Clippers play, and have spent as much of our time at home just talking and giggling and cuddling. I want to bottle it all up and savor it forever. I know each phase will be better than the last as she grows and thrives, but I also have this paranoia and fear that creeps in when I think about when we'll want to transfer our next embabies. Will they work? Will we be blessed to have these moments again with our next newborn? No one knows for sure. So I'm just trying to take it day by day and capture it all in my mind & heart.
Childcare update! AJ will be going to my girlfriend Holly's house 2-3 days a week (I volunteered with her in the NICU so I've seen her love and cuddles for babies first hand) and my MIL will keep her another 1-2 days (not set in stone due to my always changing work/travel schedule). However, luckily they both are flexible per my needs and won't be doing it for the money which makes me feel less pressure to have to use them a certain number of hours weekly to make it worth their time. I cover all of Ohio, so when I'm in my local accounts Holly will keep her and when I'm in Columbus and surrounding areas, my Mother in Law will keep her. All set! While it's the best case scenario for childcare that it can get, it'll still be an adjustment at first of course. At least I know she'll be well cared for and loved while I'm away.
Next phase before I go back to work: transitioning into her crib. Today was Day 1 and she has napped in there wonderfully! Hopefully she keeps it up. I know it'll be better for all in the long run even though it tugs at my Mama heart strings now. Lots of changes around here but still not rushing it! When it works, great. If it doesn't? Not to panic. We have the rest of our lives to figure it all out!
XOXO,
Andi
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