I've been back to work for nearly 5 weeks now and boy is it ALOT! I always thought I was pretty energetic & good at multi tasking but it is EXHAUSTING! It's great to be back amongst the land of the living and showering before 7p, but it's definitely overwhelming to juggle. I had to apologize to Blair the other night as I crawled into bed at 8:30p feeling like I tackled work and mommy that day but was far from tackling "wife". It's truly quite an adjustment and I often feel like I'm drowning. No amount of coffee or hours in the day can get me to where I feel I need to be. I need to either lower my expectations of myself or trust that eventually we'll hit our new stride and I'll feel like I'm living in less of a blur. HOW to people have 5 kids? .... ok how do they have 2!?
Her sitter Miss Holly has Adlee M&T and they are having a really great time together so that helps immensely. I met Holly in the NICU as volunteers and we'd just sit and rock the NICU babies and chat for hours about any and everything. Praying over the sick babies, my struggle to conceive at the time, her struggles to deal with her MIL and family members, etc. She prayed and prayed for Adlee and was such a huge support system for me that it's really a blessing to know she's now her caregiver when I'm away. Holly says she's such an easy happy baby when she's there and she's constantly updating me on how things are going as well as sending pictures. Plus, she deals with my "suggestions" and lets me pretend to instruct her on what's best for Adlee. HA! I'm sure they have their own tricks that work for them but I appreciate her humoring me and letting me feel like I'm still mothering her from afar.
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| Holly's son playing with AJ |
My MIL watches her W&Th and does the same, thank God. Even with hitting the childcare jackpot I still feel pangs of guilt here and there for not being with her all the time. I remind myself that she's learning to be independent and not to always rely on her Mama to soothe and adapt. Being away from me some will only assist in her feeling comfortable around other people. But, it doesn't mean it's easy. I don't "let down" unless I'm watching a video of her so it's pretty torturous to be sitting in the backseat of the car mid work day listening to her from iphone videos so I can pump my milk effectively.
Negatives also include making sure I have enough ice in cooler, clean pump parts, or hell to even remember the frozen milk for the sitter and pump parts! HA! Trust, I've driven away several times and had to turn back to remember both of these on top of what I need for my work presentations. The past 5 weeks in two words: Brain overload. It has to get easier.
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| fun with Gramma |
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| not so fun in the backseat of my car.... pumping, and GO! |
I always wondered what a Mama does when she's sick and has a baby. Well I learned that the show must go on. I was pretty miserable for a week with either allergies or a bad sinus cold and it just so happened to be the SAME week Adlee had a HORRENDOUS allergic reaction to what we think was my Mom's laundry detergent. She had a bath at her house and next morning??! THIS!!
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| GASP! |
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| it was hard to look at, but didn't phase this little nug... |
What cured it? Breast milk and oatmeal baths!!! Who knew? It really is liquid gold. Sister was pretty uncomfortable with the rash and of course we I were worried it would never go away. But after a few baths she was good to go, thankfully.
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| no joke this was 2 baths later!! Hallalujah |
As tiring as it all is and as overwhelming as it seems all it takes is a big ol grin from my girl and snuggles to make the stress all go away. This time last year I was giving myself injections and was smack dab in the middle of my IVF stim cycle almost ready for the egg retrieval
I can't believe how far we've come. I had no idea what would happen from all of that and here I am caring for my 3.5 month old daughter. God is always good and His timing really is perfect. I am thankful for every crazy, exhausting, wild moment that I have with my little chica. My cup may runneth low on caffeine and low on energy, but it always runneth over!
I can't believe how far we've come. I had no idea what would happen from all of that and here I am caring for my 3.5 month old daughter. God is always good and His timing really is perfect. I am thankful for every crazy, exhausting, wild moment that I have with my little chica. My cup may runneth low on caffeine and low on energy, but it always runneth over!
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| oh hey Ma, just watching gymnastics <3 |
XOXO,
Andi
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