ADLEE TURNS ONE! {letter from Daddy}

4/27/2016

Dear Adlee James,

Today is your first birthday! It is also the first anniversary of the single best day of my life. The day that you were born was certainly the happiest of my life and one I will remember for always.

By the end of her pregnancy with you, mommy was sleeping in the guest room because she was very uncomfortable, she needed the extra space, and she did not need to deal with my snoring. Shortly after dozing off on a Sunday night, I awoke to find her standing in the landing outside of our master bedroom. I'll never forget the look on her face. It was a look of abounding excitement at war with suppressed terror. She told me her water broke and that it was time. It certainly was. It was time for our lives to be forever enriched.

Although you came a little earlier than anticipated, I was able to remain pretty calm and could not wait to see your face for the first time. We got to the hospital without incident (I did my part) and making the phone call to my dad to let him know that we had arrived and that you were on the way was among my most treasured memories of the day.

Your mother did beautifully and even had me a bit fooled about how anxious and nervous she was on the inside because she remained pretty composed on the exterior. She had all of the nurses laughing. This was especially the case as they rolled her to the OR. It had a faded green floor and so she just kept saying, "walkin' the Mile, walkin' The Green Mile." That is a reference to a great Tom Hanks movie. If you haven't seen it by the time you are old enough to read this, let me know, I will be quick to remedy that problem.

I wasn't able to go back with her while they got her ready and it was a long wait on a bench all by myself until the nurses finally called me to come into the room. Once there, I didn't have to wait long. Within ten minutes or so, they pulled you out and held you up for your Mom to see. She was so happy when they said; "You got your girl!!!" You responded by sticking your tongue out at Mommy so we knew right then that you were going to have some spunk.

I got to go back with you while they got you cleaned up. I'll always cherish those few minutes as I tried to comprehend the vastness of the blessing that the good Lord had just bestowed on us. They returned you to your mother and I watched the two of you cuddle for the first time. It was such a rewarding moment to experience because it was the fulfillment of a dream that your mother pursued tenaciously.

I could go on for pages and pages detailing all of the ways that your presence has enriched my life but I am going to attempt to keep this at least somewhat concise. I'll start by highlighting some of the memories that I will most cherish about your first year of life.

What I enjoyed most, aside from meeting you face to face and holding you for the first time was witnessing the true strength, courage and resilience of your mommy. It was so special to see the look on her face when the nurses said; "You got your girl!!" And, to watch her snuggle you for the first time was to witness the culmination of a long journey that was sustained only by your mother's fierce determination to bring you into this world. It's a little difficult to admit, but if it had only been up to me, you may not have been born. I was willing to accept that maybe having children was not in our destiny. Mommy was not willing to accept that though; and if you knew one half of what she went through to get you here, you would treat her with reverence for all of your life. I know I will.

You see, I have loved you from the moment I knew that you existed. I loved you before you were born and I will love you until death (and beyond). But it was your mother that loved you to life! Even despite so many disappointments and roadblocks along the way, she never lost faith that God would eventually answer her prayers. Her love for you is so deep that she, through God's grace and blessing, literally willed you into the living world. If that reality is the only thing that you ever learn from me, I will have done a good job as your father.

The other thing that I loved so much about that day was the happiness it brought to both of our families. Watching my parents and mommy's parents as grandparents has been so enjoyable and having you has made me appreciate them more in my own life. Also, seeing the love that you have received and will continue to receive from your aunts and uncles as well as so many of our close friends makes it so clear that you are one lucky little girl.

There are some other smaller things that I'll always smile about when I think back to your first year. I love watching you play. It's so wonderful to see your little brain work as you discover this world little by little. I love your sweet little voice. Hearing any sound you make (aside from crying) has been like the most pleasing music to my ears. I love that your first word was "Daddy" (sort of). I love the way you laugh whenever Nova shows you any interest in what you are doing. You think just about everything he does is funny. I so much wish that you could have also had those interactions with my boy Atticus, but that was not to be.

I love the way that you smile with your moon eyes (like Grandma Albright) and your Jack O' Lantern teeth. I love your pretty eyes that so often remind me of my Grandma (sometimes I even feel her spirit when I catch just the right glimpse of your baby blues.) I also love watching you eat. You just shovel food in your mouth as quickly as you can with no regard for moderation (the true Albright way). I've always loved how you use your little hands and feet, like you never cease to be fascinated by all of the things they can do. I loved the period of your first year when only daddy was suitable to get you off to sleep and despite the countless amounts of steps I took (and I did usually count) in pacing you to rest, they were always worth it when I got to drift you off to dream for the night. And, I love the look on your face when I get home for the day or when I come into your room to get you up from a nap. Each time, it's like reconnecting with some long lost friend.

Finally though and what I love most is your feisty little spirit. It is why your Grandpa Albright suggested we give you the nickname; "The Pistol". You are stubborn, determined, and full of resolve. You are truly your mother's daughter in that respect and the same quote applies similarly to the both of you; "though she be but little, she is fierce!"

Now, if this is the last birthday letter you ever receive from me, I want you to know that I have several major hopes for your life. I hope that you will always love God. As your daddy, I wish nothing but happy times and peace for you, but I know that your life will no doubt contain some difficulty as well. No matter what happens in your life and in both high times and low times I hope you will always remember to; "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). I hope that you will put your trust in him and give thanks always because we (and you) are so blessed.

I hope that you will always love your mother. I know at times you two will not quite be operating on the same wavelength. I know this because it seems all relationships between mothers and daughters can get complicated at times. I suspect this even further because I can already tell how much alike the two of you are very likely to be. That will surely cause some conflict from time to time. I hope that in those times you will remember all of the things that are included about your mommy in the beginning part of this letter. I hope you never underestimate the depth of your mom's love for you and I hope that you will know that the best way that you can honor me is by loving your mother.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly for a girl. I hope you will always remember to love yourself. I hope you will always remember that you; "are fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14). I hope that you will always remember that if you do not choose to respect yourself you will be at great risk of being treated without respect by others, even those that you believe truly care for you. I hope that you will never allow the words or judgments of others to affect how you choose to feel about yourself. I hope that you will take the advice that is always best to live your life for an "Audience of One." If you live, first and foremost, in a way that is pleasing to and gives honor to God, there is nothing of true consequences that you should have to fear.

Above all, I hope that you will take some comfort in knowing that your daddy loves you and that, no matter where I am at in your life, I always, always will!!

Happy 1st Birthday Sweetheart.

Daddy

 

12 Months with Adlee

Sweet pea,

Only ONE week away from your FIRST birthday. I can't even believe it!! Today marks the very last day you'll receive my Mama milk and its tugging at my heart strings, big time. I'm thankful we've made it this far, and I'm thankful for your independence! You self weaned from the breast for the most part, and at the same time kicked your bottles to the curb. You refused both breast and bottle, launching the one you're able to launch across the room, ha! So it's obvious you're ready. You are no longer an infant and are growing into a toddler. I have so many emotions regarding the end of this chapter and moving onto the next. It saddens me that we'll never get to tuck away and share those intimate nursing moments again. You'll never have another mommy milk meal, and you no longer really desire that connection with me in that way, but I know you'll always and forever need me most. No one will share a stronger bond than you and I.

When I'm sad about letting go of some of these connections we share I remember that you're the only person who has heard my heartbeat from the inside, and I'm the only one who has felt your kicks and tugs from the outside. I'm the one who traveled miles upon miles for infertility treatments, who took thousands of pills and shots, injected so many hormones into my body I didn't even know what felt balanced or normal (not even still). Each day I grew you step by step inside my womb with a faulty placenta and nourished you through development from a tiny embryo all the way into a beautiful, healthy, happy 1 year old. How amazing and wonderful is that, truly!? Even though it may not come in the form of Mama Milk anymore, I realize I'll continue to be able nourish you in many ways, even if we don't share that bodily connection of doing so that we did previously. You are fully departed from my need to develop you via nutrients, but I find solace in the fact I'll always be supporting you, nourishing you, and developing you in many other ways. 

Our ability to get where we are today, together, is nothing short of a miracle my sweet girl. Having you in my life, in our lives, has been the most tiring, amazing, rewarding, challenging, blessing and enormous gift from God. Seeing you grow and absorb and learn and flourish is just the absolute GREATEST blessing. I never thought of all the many things that would encompass being a Mother, and I'm sure I'll never be able to grasp how much you've given me until I come to my last breath on Earth. You and me babe, we'll always share something special. The bond that a Mother and child share is forever. I hope to conceive and carry and nourish a sweet sibling(s) for you, but if I never do, then I still consider myself the luckiest person on Earth to have had the chance to experience it all with you. If I do, know that you'll always be my very special girl. The one I experienced all the these precious firsts with.

I always knew I wanted to commit to writing you every month for one year, and from here I may check in from time to time to update what's going on in our lives. But getting through our infertility journey, for my personal and emotional outlet, and getting you to your first year was my goal to document. Somehow it's here... we've already arrived! I hope you find these very special to read and I hope you always know that I wanted you more than all the riches in the world, all the trips around the sun, all the many countless favors that can be bestowed upon someone. I wanted you more than life.   

Love you so much, sweet Adlee James! Happy (almost) 1 year!

XOX,
Mom

11 Months with Adlee

My Sweet Girl,

HOW in the world are we already to 11 Months?! You are so much fun to be with, you make every day more exciting than the last. You are starting to sit up, pull yourself up on things and rock back and forth on your hands and knees in hopes to just blast off to "crawl status". You get too frustrated that you aren't magically blasting off to the races and start pounding your hands on the ground in fury. I have NO IDEA where you get that impatience from? ;) One day you will crawl, walk, run, etc, so I have 0 desire to push you until you're ready. One day you will be and then I'll be running after you like a Mad Momma. So you just take your time little one. As I tell others when they ask if you're walking, "Nope! She was breech for 9 months en utero, and is just the same now on the outside". A OK sitting still and entertaining yourself without any desire to cruise. Funny how that's determined so early on....

We took our first Mommy & Daddy trip to a friends wedding in Vegas last week and Mimi & Poppy came to stay. You had an awesome time shopping with Mimi and playing with Poppy. I'm so thankful that we have such a great family to help love on you while we're away. I had to partially wean you before the trip since you were wanting more than just breastmilk and solids. You are drinking half goats milk and half breast milk in preparation for your 12 months wean over to 100% whole milk. I wondered what it would be like when I returned from this trip and if you'd want to nurse so I gave it a go yesterday. Within 30 seconds you popped off and looked up at me like, "Nah, who needs to work at this? Just give me the bottle!" So, that we did! I was dreading having a dedicated last nurse with you so I'm glad you took matters into your own hands and made the decision for us. I suppose that will be our last hoorah. I feel a little sad about it when I really think about it, but less because you aren't nursing and more because that chapter is forever closed in your "newborn book" and we are getting so close to opening the chapter of "toddler-isms". It constantly feels like sand through an hour glass; wanting to freeze moments, rewind, slow time. "It goes by so fast" is what everyone says and it scares me to see they are all so right. These are truly the best of times.

You light up our lives and we can't wait to see you grow and thrive. We are filled with love from you and for you, Happy 11 Months Adlee James! You are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

XOX,

Mom

9 & 10 Months with Adlee

Adlee,

If the combination of month 9-10 for the blog doesn't tell you something, then I don't know what will! Mama has been busy & tired these past two months {what's new, right?}. You too have been busy, cutting some major teeth and keeping Daddy and I up nearly every night. It's a good thing you're cute because lord Mama needs her sleep. Your top two Lateral Incisors are in after feeling like they were never going to break through, and your first three teeth came in about two months ago on the bottom so now you're sporting a rather interesting Jack O Lantern grin. You eat us out of house and home now that your chompers are in (and because you already want to be the big girl vs. the baby), and you want everything that we eat so at least that makes it simple. You love milk from your sippy cup & are getting close to dropping the bottle altogether. Since we are half way to 11 months and Mommy & Daddy will be leaving town for a wedding for a long weekend soon, I'm beginning the plan of weaning you off my Mama Milk soon. It's been an incredibly amazing journey of nursing you this long, I wouldn't trade it for one second. However, I'm ready to wrap up this chapter and move on to the next. I can't say it enough, nursing is the most beautiful and exhausting part of Motherhood. I hope you decide one day to share this special bond with your littles. You'll see :) My goal was 6 months and it's looking like I'll get you all the way to 11-12 so for that I feel incredibly blessed. It was far from easy, but anything for you my babe.

Your personality is growing leaps and bounds by the days. It's my favorite thing about you!! Per your pictures, you are happy as a clam the majority of the time, but these past two months you've really started to connect more and show your social skills. You wave, saying "hi" to everyone in the stores that we frequent and you're always hamming it up at the restaurants batting those gorgeous lashes of yours for all passerby. We are in trouble!! You truly don't know a stranger, so it will be interesting as you grow to see how that continues to develop. You take the direction that you want and all had better follow suit, that's for sure. When it comes to sleep schedules, eating schedules, playing with other babies (etc) you set the ground rules and everyone else is expected to follow. You're a bossy little Lady who knows what she wants. I guess the apple didn't fall too far from the tree.....poor Daddy!

We're starting to plan your 1st birthday party already.  On one hand it feels like you've always been here, and that 1 year surely can't be all that we've been together. But the next it feels like yesterday we were begging God to bless us with you, feeling impatient and discouraged not knowing if we'd ever have a child. We had hoped that He was busy creating you while Mama had to endure jumping all the hoops and leaping all the bounds. But we never knew for sure. We are so blessed that our prayers were answered. I hope you always know how much you were prayed for, wished for, wanted and loved... longggg before these past 10 months of knowing you arrived. You were worth it all. If I knew then what I know now, I'd do it all over again, 5 times over. You are our greatest blessing and we love you more than we can ever express.

Happy 9 & Happy 10 Sweet Girl!!

XO,

Mom

8 months with Adlee

Sweet girl,

8 months! What a blessed 8 they've been. You've finally mastered sitting up and rolling over (and over and over) but are still frustrated at trying to learn to crawl. You can get up on your knees now but don't have much interest in sorting out the rest of it; you just want us to pick you up and call it a day! :) You are a Chatty Cathy and can say "Dada, Baba, and Nooobaaa (Nova)" & you know when I leave a room, which sends you into immediate melt down central. You are 100% in Mama Mode these days which makes sense as we survived our first work trip away from each other. Grandma and Grandpa kept you for 3 days while I had a work training trip & we all survived. It was nice of them to keep you for us & they probably forgot a little bit of how constant things are with an infant around again. They raised 5 wonderful kiddos though so we knew they'd be up for the challenge. Grandpa heard me call you "My little Spitfire", and it has stuck! That's his new nickname for you & it couldn't be more true. You want to lead the pack and do things on your time. For example, if we clap to get you to clap you have 0 interest. You give us your "ummm, I don't think so guys" look & when you're ready you clap and think it's the coolest idea you've ever had. You prefer to go first and for the rest of us to follow suit. You most definitely are not going to be a follower and go along with the pack. You are so head strong that people warn me to fear for your teenage years, but I'm really glad you have this trait. It will keep you out of trouble! I never understood all the "peer pressure" hype in my teenage years (and beyond) because I simply just did what I did and no one was able to stray me any other way. I hope you stay headstrong and independent too. You may look just like Daddy but you are without a doubt my personality mini me.

We celebrated your first Christmas at 8 months old & had a lot of fun. You didn't quite grasp much next to the fact it was a busy day filled with tons of social activity and very little naps!  As the social butterfly that you are, you LOVED all the attention from everyone. Mama and Daddy didn't love your 11p bright eyed meltdowns and 2 hours of sleep to follow the long Christmas holiday, but it was obvious you knew it was a day unlike others & you were going to take advantage of it. Cant blame ya sista!

We've fallen into a nice swing in these past 8 and are surviving Daddy's first basketball season, just you and me. It's pretty tiring on top of working full time my way but I wouldn't trade the time I get to spend with you for a thing. People always told me that being a Mom was an indescribable type of love, and it's true. There is no way to explain to someone how much that your life will never be the same. You'll see someday, little bug, and only then will you truly understand how MUCH love I have in my heart for you. At this age, I want to remember your heartwarming smile --with those big healthy cheeks that spread ear to ear! How your two little bottom teeth peak through & how proud of them you are. The way that you're eyes are shaped like the moon? Still my favorite feature of all! You are happy. Genuinely, happy. I am always most thankful for that. Can't wait to see more of your personality unfold little girl. Mama loves you to infinity and beyond.....

HAPPY 8!!

XOX,

Mom