Expect the Unexpected

Boy have I learned this one the past 2 years!! It took me about a year of that time to get there, and I still struggle with acceptance on many levels, but I have learned a lot along the way; physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I read this daily devotional over coffee this morning and figured I'd share it with with all of you. Whatever you're struggling with, know that it's all part of a greater plan. Just hold on! :)

We ask the Father for things we long for because we want the full joy he offers us. And we don’t ask for trivial or fleshly things, because we know what the Apostle James says: “You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions” (James 4:3). No, we pray for greater faith, love, holiness, wisdom, discernment, experience of God’s grace, boldness, joy in God, and less satisfaction with worldly things. Such longings and prayers are sincere and God loves them and loves to answer them. But we do not know ourselves very well, nor the depth or pervasiveness of our sin, nor what it really requires of us in order to receive what we ask for. We can’t help but have unreal, romantic imaginations and expectations about what God’s answers to our prayers will be.

Therefore, we are often unprepared for the answers we receive from God. His answers frequently do not look at first like answers. They look like problems. They look like trouble. They look like loss, disappointment, affliction, conflict, sorrow, and increased selfishness. They cause deep soul-wrestling and expose sins and doubts and fears. They are not what we expect and we often do not see how they correspond to our prayers.When God begins to answer our prayers, we often find his answers disorienting. Circumstances might take unexpected courses, health might deteriorate, painful relational dynamics might develop, financial difficulties might occur, and spiritual and emotional struggles might emerge that seem unconnected and we can feel like we’re digressing from not progressing toward the sanctification we desire. We cry out in painful confusion and exasperation (Psalm 13:1; Job 30:20), when what’s really happening is that God is answering our prayers. We just expected the answer to look and feel different.

This being true, we might be tempted to not even ask God for such things. I mean, who wants unpleasant answers to prayers for joy? Don’t be deceived into this short-sighted thinking. 

Remember Jesus’s promise: 

“Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full” (John 16:24). 

If the path to full joy is sometimes hard, and Jesus tells us it is (John 16:33; Matthew 7:14), that is no reason not to take it! What do you want? Low, shallow, thin joys? No! Go for full joy! 

And remember what the writer of Hebrews tells us:

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:11)

With regard to God’s answers to prayer, expect the unexpected. Most of the greatest gifts and deepest joys that God gives us come wrapped in painful packages.

Andi

Happenings Lately

We have been busy being handy as of late!! Hiding cords, installing surround sound in the mancave, changing fixtures and installing ceiling fans. The most exciting one for me so far is our dining table refinish! *does Fredrick high kick & squeal{if you don't watch Million Dollar Listing NY, kill yourself now}

This table was a last minute pick up as I was pedal to the metal through my parents neighborhood en route to the hospital. We just received the news my sister was in labor (2 years ago). I saw this 3 piece massive table and 6 chairs displayed at the neighbors driveway and pulled over to inquire it's deats. Hey-- this girl knows not to lose out on a good furniture piece when she sees one. Plus, we were building a new house at the time and I had to begin filling it up. I rolled down the window and yelled out "how much?!", to which he replied, "$100". I threw it in park and got out to see if the thing was going to crumble at my fingertips or something, and after extensive review I saw it was in mint condition. Well, except for the black shiny finish that someone in that house had botched years earlier. Nothing a strip and refinish can't handle. So, I told him I'd be back that evening with the cash and to consider it mine. When I came back he asked "well, is it a boy or a girl"!!? And beamed ear to ear when I told him "boy" (he has three). The rest is history! What I thought would be a quick refinish turned in to me loving this memory so much that I was afraid I'd mess the table up somehow and be left with something worse. So when I mentioned all of this to my friend Katie last weekend, she offered to come in town to help me as she'd done it before. The result is awesome!! I'm really pleased with it. Now it has a great story AND a finish I can dig. 

Before:

Hideous finish in all its natural glory (During): 

After:

I can hear your gasps from here!!! Fantastic, right? yay!

Next up, we hit up our first Indian wedding last weekend in Cleveland and it.was.amazing. The Baraat was my favorite part. Well, next to the insanely beautiful Sari's everyone wore, including the bride (of course) which was handmade bead by diamond by stitch. It was over 30 lbs!!! She wore the hand and head pieces that Sehul's mother wore on their wedding day 44 years ago and the ceremony was in the temple that his Dad had a huge part in building. It was very beautiful, I love seeing how other cultures celebrate especially when it's so different from ours. Back to the Baraat. In India the entire village celebrates this portion of the ceremony (it was the first 2 hours of the 6 hour ceremony). Usually in India this part of the celebration takes place over a span of five days and includes the entire village. This was an American bride marrying an Indian groom so The Baraat was a bit different than how they do it in India (shortened into 2 days vs. 5 and the ceremony portion only being 6 hours). I wish I knew how to upload the videos I took of the Baraat, but imagine Sehul in a horse drawn carriage and all of the Indian men and women dancing around it for 2 full hours. Sehul came out at the end and joined everyone in the dancing and then everyone followed he and the family to the temple. It's all supposed to signify the blending of the families and the support of each and everyone there throughout their journey in life up to this day. Very cool. The ceremony was in their language so it was hard to understand what was happening but luckily the gentlemen next to me was helping to explain. It was incredible. Speaking of, the families always give cards with money for the gifts and the weddings are so big that we were told an average of 60-80k is what the newlyweds end up walking away with. My jaw dropped and I promptly told B I was trading him in for an Indian man ;) We really had a nice time learning more about the Indian culture. Congrats Sarah and Sehul, we can't wait for the American cele in two weeks. 

The gorgeous Bride, Sarah!

Sehul and the boys in their Indian gear

Sehul in the horse drawn carriage, looking all Regal

MARRIED!

Last up for the weekend was a ton of yard work but we finally got it looking ship shape! My flower beds are still complete rock with it being a new build so the mulch we laid was KEY along with the hanging baskets {nothing has survived that I've planted}. Apparently there's some tilling next year that will need to be done but until then my hostas will hopefully spread. When in doubt, hosta. These bitches are hard to kill.

Hope ya'll had a wonderful holiday weekend!! We didn't even get catch any fireworks this year--beh. Hopefully next year will be more patriotic, but this year we were obviously too busy being Indian. 

Cheers,

Andi

Reminder: Birth Control Does More Than Just Prevent Pregnancy

This Hobby Lobby sitch has me on blast. While I understand that it's not the responsibility of the company you work for to supply healthcare coverage for things they don't believe they should cover, I don't understand why they believe an anti depressant or a diabetic drug should take precedence over birth control used for a medical condition such as infertility. Birth control isn't only taken to prevent pregnancy people; the article below does a decent job of defending this. Furthermore, Viagra is still covered by hobby lobby, so that famous hard rift argument that this promotes promiscuity among women (false) doesn't seem to matter for men because let's face it the purpose of Viagra is to allow people to have sex. INSANE.

Reminder: Birth Control Does More than just Prevent Pregnancy

Women with PCOS or endometriosis can have menstrual cycles for weeks or months at a time, and I can attest to that. From the get go, I have been on birth control in order to regulate my VERY erratic cycles due to a hormonal imbalance unlike those would argue diabetes have with insulin resistance (which also goes hand in and with most PCOS'ers). I challenge any man behind this decision to have even 6 months of a period like many women have who have this health ailment. They would be poppin BC pills so fast they don't know what hit em. While I'm very PRO LIFE and anti-abortion, it is obvious to anyone who knows anything about the reproductive system that birth control used on a daily basis (unlike the morning after pill) is not anywhere close to the aforementioned. I think that the reason women are so shamed by infertility is because it's not recognized by many as a medical health condition. Clearly if our employers, who we bust ass making money for on a daily basis, don't even recognize infertility nor cover it, what's that telling us? That can make ya feel real alienated real fast.  A majority of women who are seeking Reproductive Endo assistance are paying for these procedures and drugs out of pocket. Friends and complete strangers {who are now friends} who come across this blog come to me in private saying that they aren't "out" yet to anyone but support what I'm going through because they too have the same issues. People and employers need to begin to recognize infertility as a MEDICAL HEALTH CONDITION THAT WE DID NOT CHOOSE. We were born this way, arguably even more so than those struggling with other medical issues that ARE covered under your health insurance. My health insurance covers botox for Christ sake but it doesn't cover infertility!! Lets make sense of that, shall we?! Point is, it's not a choice to be in these shoes and some of you face the same struggles & lack of infertility coverage. This isn't even a "women's rights issue", this is an overall infertility/health coverage issue. My dear friend and her husband struggle through infertility because her husband was diagnosed with cancer years ago and had to undergo chemotherapy that literally wiped away every last healthy swimmer he has. My sister and her husband underwent IVF 3 years ago after 5 years of TTC because her husband torched a testicle during a soccer game as a young boy and lost all fertility in that testicle making his sperm count nearly undetectable. I have done everything in my power (low carb, non gluten, non dairy, high exercise, low exercise, gain weight, herbal meds, fertility meds, bla bla bla) and at the end of the day, the only thing that helps my body to respond with a hormonal balance that would warrant conceiving a child is fertility meds. It sucks, but it's real and I'm over the shame and blame and have come to accept the fact that " baby I was born this way" -- {Strikes Lady Gaga pose}. 

In short, there are other health issues that warrant medical coverage to conceive a child. Wouldn't these conservative bible beaters who are pro baby making want to support coverage to those in strong conditions to parent a child but physically have been dealt a bad hand? So why spend so much time on stupid topics such as birth control yay or nay? People will go to Planned Parenthood and get the pack of BC for $10 OOP if they really want it! If people don't take a stand and speak out about infertility and medical ailments that should be covered by insurance, infertility will always be associated with shame and guilt. 

MAKE YOUR "MESS YOUR MESSAGE" PEOPLE! 

*drops microphone.......

"Nothing will work unless you DO" - Maya Angelou

In the book The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer, he states: "To attain true inner freedom, you must be able to objectively watch your problems instead of being lost in them. No solution can possibly exist while you're lost in the energy of a problem. Everyone knows you cant deal well with a situation if you're getting anxious, scared or angry about it. The first problem you have to deal with is your own reaction. You will not be able to solve anything outside until you own how the situation affects you inside."

All I could do was repeat this to theory to myself over and over in my head when my Reproductive Endo said to me yesterday after my first FSH injectable cycle and vaginal ultrasound follicle check, "You have too many dominant follicles, I stopped counting at 8. We will have to cancel this cycle, shed your lining/eggs, and begin again next month". If my legs weren't in stirrups, I could have kicked him. After so many months of roller coasters and disappointments, I cant lie and say that I didn't consider this a possibility & prepare the best I could for this reaction. My heart has been walking outside of my body for two years now, this is just part of the process. 

Let me rewind to briefly tell you what my first injectable cycle last month looked like. Mind you, I live an hour and a half round trip from the facility. CD= cycle day. Gonal F is the FSH (follicle stimulating horomone) I am on to help grow larger follicles that I inject subcu (subcutaneously) every evening via a dosing pen. 

CD 3: bloodwork/ Inject 75 Units subcu (in your belly)

CD 4: Gonal F injection, 75 Units

CD 5: bloodwork/ Inject 50 Units

CD 6: Gonal F injection, 50 Units

CD 7: bloodwork, Gonal F 75 Units

CD 8: Vaginal Ultrasound, Gonal F 100 Units

CD 9: Gonal F 100 Units

CD 10: Vaginal Ultrasound, Gonal F 75 Units

CD 11: Gonal F 75 Units

CD 12: Vaginal Ultrasound Gonal F 50 Units

CD 13: Gonal F 50 Units

CD 14: Vaginal Ultrasound, Cancelled Cycle

That's alot of needles, bloat, weight gain, and cray cray town right there folks. I have a job, and a life, and this is just about to make me lose it. This was the first time that I actually saw that my doctor felt shitty about the results, and I won't lie by saying it made me feel a bit better. He was off the day that they had to make my final 2 days of dosing (so to not overstimulate since I have high AMH -egg count) and another doctor did the U/S then he made the dosing call. By not being the doctor who is used to my body seeing the u/s, he did the best call he could by looking at my estrodial levels but obviously overshot the dosing. "Looks like your ovaries woke up the last 48 hours" did not produce the facial expression from me that he may have expected. Again with the kicking in the face. He handed me a box of tissues when my blood red face & grinding jaws (so pissed you cry face? yea, I'm sure yours looks similar) took hold, but I refused to shed a tear. I refused to get lost in the energy of this problem. For me, it was an immediate shift to, "well what can we do better next time". Because truthfully, that's the only option. I will not quit. I will continue to get up and try.

It's hard to have to take Progesterone now that will begin my period knowing this would have been the month we actually got pregnant. But, when I joke about being the next "Jon & Kate + 8" this time, that could totally happen and aint nobody got time for that. Plus, it's not healthy for me or the many potential multiples. So..... we will start this all over again in July. That will be my 12th cycle (1 year anniversary) with the specialist, so that has to count for something right? Plus, who doesn't want an Aries baby? True story, I've always said if I could pick a month to conceive it would be July for a Spring delivery that aligns with the end of Blair's basketball season. So....here's to hoping! :) 

I will not be able to solve this problem by being overly emotional and reacting to it in a negative way. There is absolutely no choice but to keep going. I won't ring the bell. I've been in sales all my adult career and every "no" I hear I tuck away in my back pocket and find a creative way to come back for more until I get that "yes", and this situation will just have to be calculated in the same manner. Although it's emotional, time consuming and expensive, I have made it this far and I'm not "ringing the bell". 

COME ON JULY!!! Don't fail my theory now!

xoxo,

Andi

Sweet Angel, Baby Josie

Our sweet niece Josie was born today & earned her angel wings just before she was delivered. We are so lucky that God gave us the chance to see her & hold her even though she was only there with us in spirit. Prayers for Paige & our family while everyone heals. We wish we would have gotten more time to know you Little Miss, but know that you were very loved by all; if only for a short time on Earth.

I Am Here 

Please don't cry, I am here

just look around, I am very near.
I am the prettiest butterfly 
exploring the day,
I am the shiniest star
showing you my wings glisten from afar.
I am the wind moving your hair
to kiss your cheek,
Wipe your tears because I am here, just playing hide n seek.

Xoxo,

Andi 

Wax-OFF

Mehhhhhh. Can we just talk about the fact I am NEVER EVER EVER EVER going to get my eyes/lips/anywhere waxed again, EVER!! Wow. Although I do have sensitive skin, I don't always break out quite as bad as I did yesterday/today after getting my eyes and lip waxed. I have made up my mind that I will a. Nair b. Laser hair removal or c. rock the peach fuzz because I am never going to walk around (in cognito might I add) like I have the past 24 hours. Yikes!

A lady at the grocery store asked if I got beat up, the fedex driver looked at me in horror, and today I wore a hat bigger than my body just to run an errand. Did I mention it looks awful? Well, it looks worse than awful! Ha!! It looks PAINFUL, and it is.

Amidst my panicking and phone call to my husband demanding he leave me & find a pretty wife, I remembered a girl I work with who uses industrial strength concealer when she has breakouts. So I ran to the mall & scooped some up figuring this could help "take the red out", and let me tell ya, this shiz is a life saver. Although I'm never getting waxed again, I'll definitely keep it on board for breakouts. If you also find yourself in a pinch, scoop up Benefits concealer, the pictures below will do all the talking!! 

Same day, a few hours apart from eachother and you can hardly see the red, welted, hideous face of mine ;) SCORE! Lord I hope this clears (sans make up) soon. Never ever ever ever......

Pretty amazing tho! Now, spill it. What do you furry faced ladies use to remove your facial hair? {and yes, I break out from threading too} I'd LOVE to know what works for you.

Andi 

Weekend Recap!

Visitors. Visitors. #andmorevisitors. 

Ya'll we love having people who want to come see the new place and spend time with us. Good news is all of them so far have said "Wow, who knew? Dayton is great?!!" vs. "damn, why did you sell and leave Columbus?!" Yea. I know, I was just a shocked myself but it really truly feels like another suburb of Columbus. 

My bestie Steph and Goddaughter Evelyn visited first. We took a nice long walk in the preserve out back and enjoyed some catch up time, which I always cherish. She NO LONGER lives in D.C (thank you God) and moved back to Columbus a few weeks back, so luckily we'll be seeing alot of them again. Just like high school days :) They just bought an adorable house in Westerville and we can't wait to see it. It looks insanely adorable from the pictures she's sent. 

back yard stroll

sweet Evelyn

her Uncle B is smitten <3

My girl Kat and her daughter Remi were to follow! We stopped at Boro Bistro for some fab pizza and patio time and Remi was obsessed over Atticus. Or....maybe it was the other way around. Seriously our fur baby is more desperate for a kid than we are. He protects the preggo bellies that enter the home and loves playing with the kiddos that they bring. It really is precious. 

Remi girl !

it really doesn't get prettier than Remi folks! Kat is preggo with baby #2 and I cant wait to hear what sex it is soon!

one large pony dog to go please? thanks.

Blair's college Rugby buddy and his wife came to visit next  (I told you we had alot of company as of late). I just adore he and his wife Leeann {who has become one of my dear friends throughout the years}. They got a sitter for the night and headed west to see us for a much needed night out. Corey is a handyman who was happy to help me hang my new art piece from Pottery Barn. It's AMAZING. We have this massive 21' wall in our living room and I searched long and hard for just the right piece for our home. My style is Pottery Barn meets Restoration Hardware with a sprinkle of World Market (ie industrial but homey with a dash of rustic). It turned out breathtaking. I sit in the main room and just adore it. Very happy with this purchase.

I'm on the road this week in WV and PA but look forward to MORE visitors this weekend; my girls from Dawson. Copious amounts of laughter are ahead after a long travel work week, just what the doctor ordered! Have a great week everyone!

xoxo,

Andi