Hold back the river, hold back.....

As we creep closer and closer to our due date, and our 4 year wedding anniversary next week, I have started to become so relfective on the time with my husband and how things are about to change. I am so thankful to have been blessed to have just the two of us for the past 7 years. I truly wouldnt change a thing. We lived in the city & soaked up all the adventures living there brings. We've traveled to our top Bucket Lists, built two homes, grown together as a married couple and truly had to lean on eachother through moves, infertility, new jobs, etc. We feel as prepared as we'll ever feel for a family. I know it will be a whole new part of our marriage and chapter for us to grow a love for one another that we hadn't known before, and it will be wonderful. But, it will never just be the two of us ever again. It will never be like it is now, like it was before.

I feel like I'm on a beautiful beach, sun shining down and a light breeze in the air. Life is good. I see a huge massive wave is coming into shore, after we've spent all day working on an intricate, beautiful sand castle that we are happy with, proud of, comfortable by. We can see the wave slowly approaching, about to smooth out the sand and wash away all that we've built, just the two of us, only to leave a blank slate to build anew. I really hope and pray that this new beginning only brings more happiness and more love and respect for eachother than we already have established. Knowing such a huge change is coming is never easy. It's starting to become so real.

 25 days away (or less) and our entire world will never be the same. Reflecting on all that we've gone through during this journey and now here we are, this close!!! The egg shells I've been walking on and the inability to feel like my true self, the self I was before the all consumptive chapter that is infertility and TTC is about to be back. I'm so looking forward to what's ahead and for this new chapter. I'm so ready to feel like the person I was before.. but a better version...a Mommy version. I truly can't think of a better version of a person to be.

Hold Back The River by James Bay- constant repeat in my head these days

Hold back the river let me look in your eyes,
Hold back the river so I can stop for a minute, see where you hide
Hold back the river, hold back
Once upon a different life we rode our bikes to the sky,
But now we call against the tide, those distant days are flashing by...




XOX,
Andi

Cue jock jams: "It's the Final Countdownnn"

38 days until due date, but who's counting?! I'm soooooo ready to evict this tenant & smother him/her with a lifetime of smooches!! Baby is still breech so we have a section date for 5/11, the day after Mothers Day, assuming I don't go before 39w2d. At this point I don't think I really have a preference, I just hope the baby is healthy and things go as smooth as possible. I do however hope I go earlier than 5/11.... one can dream for 37w eh?

Life lately has been BUSY! Between birthday celebrations (B & I have ours back to back weekends) and trying to get our city condo renovated and rented out before Baby A, and oh yea, work.... It's been a whirlwind! To sum it all up, I'm beyond preggo brained and exhausted. 

But.... It's April and we're almost there! At 34w Baby A is already 4lbs 9oz and I feel like it's running out of womb! Just a quick update to say I'm alive, and probably won't be doing too many blogs until post baby because quite frankly I'm fried. It's all I can do some days to push my lard self (with my carpel tunnel hands & wrists) out of bed. Working from home mainly at this point and taking advantage of propping these sausage toes up while I can! 

 Until next time..... 

35 Week photo shoot ;)

Xoxo,

Andi 

Maternity Pics

Even though seeing yourself looking unlike your "normal" self isn't easy, I really wanted to get maternity pics documented as I have ONE picture of my mom pregnant with me. I know I'll look back on these pictures fondly one day. It was 10 degrees in these pics we took in German Village at Shiller Park in Columbus, Ohio. The weather that day was fitting to how B and I met (7 years earlier to the day to be exact) in the Blizzard of '08, so that's a fun fact for ya. Enjoy!

XOXO,

Andi

27-31 week - Pregnancy Updates!

Maternity Clothes/Clothes: Pretty much living in sweats and T's unless I'm at work at which point I wedge myself into my scrubs. Current debate? To toss scrub top altogether and wear a T. Meh! Thankful I don't have to dress myself in business clothes-- I would HATE to have to buy all that for a short time. 

Weight Gain:  30lbs. Yikes! I keep saying I'm going to stand on it backwards and just tell them to write it down without letting me know, b/c I really feel like it doesn't matter what I do or what I eat I'm just going to carry where and how I carry. But I do feel swollen as all get out. Doc isn't concerned however, and said women under 5'5" have much harder pregnancies as their symptoms show sooner and seem more prevalent due to being so short. Makes sense. Boooo to 5'2"! 

Stretch Marks: None yet! Thank G. Keep it tight BioOil!

Movement: Baby has been breech until recently (now it's moving around everywhere) which has given me some serious "lightening crotch" kicks that literally take my breath away. Recently doc pointed out that the "head" taking up half of my belly and located next to my belly button is actually the babies "butt"... which between B and I and our bubble butts, isn't surprising it's so large. Good to know we've been talking to, reading to and singing lullabies to our babies ass this entire time. Woops!

What I'm loving:  Applesauce, Apples, Cinnamon Apple Sauce still.  Milk, Cereal, PB dipped in milk. 

Sleep:  Well the stuffy has somehow gone away, but Carpel Tunnel has now taken it's place. My hands go numb inbetween my 6 trips to the bathroom, so it's safe to say that I'm not sleeping much. I started taking half a Benadryl here and there just to not be a complete zombie and I will say it does help grog me up enough to get SOME sleep. 

Things I miss: Still wine... always wine... always will be wine. Patio drinking... oh, did you hear there's now a peach Blue Moon flavor? Yummmm... 

Energy: I feel better in this department. Not sure how with the lack of sleep, maybe it's the "nesting" people speak of, but I have nearly finished nursery, clothes are washed and put away, pantry is organized and my check list is slowly dwindling so I'll take that as a uptick in energy! Yay!

Workouts:  Walking and stretching is all this chunky monkey + sciatica pain is doing. I'm getting SO STIFF, but the stretching is helping so that's good. Now that it's not -20 degrees and knee high snow piles outside, I can see myself getting daily walks in this Spring. 

Symptoms: Sciatica, Carpel Tunnel and bloat/swelling (wedding ring is off, although my gifted 'something blue' ring B got me that day I wear on my middle finger & now fits my ring finger, so I don't feel completely detached from my wedding day vows, so that's a plus)....

Next Ultrasound, 3/30: I requested MFM allow me to have one more US to confirm AGAIN that this Vasa Previa is gone and I'm fully released, so after that I'll be wrapped up with Ultrasounds. New due date (39w) is 5/8 at which point if I don't delivery vaginally they'll agree to a scheduled Cs for me. If I go into labor naturally, they will request that I give it the ol' heave ho & have this baby vaginally. I'm nervous but trying to trust they know what they're doing. 

27 WEEKS

28 WEEKS

29 WEEKS

31 WEEKS

I'm not sure how this belly will get bigger but I have a feeling my body is about to show me. Whew.... I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.....

Maternity pics & baby shower updates soon to follow!!

XOXO,

Andi

Expect the Unexpected

Not even sure where to begin with this blog.... but let me tell you, I surely didn't see this one comin'. I'd consider myself a glass half full type of person who certainly errs on the side of hope during dark days, but this one took me for a total surprise. Let me rewind back to the day Finley was taken from us on Monday 2/23. 

So, as stated in my previous post, I was waiting at my high risk appt when my sister told me she was at Riverside Hospital in Columbus and Finn had no HB. It was like a ton of bricks hit me, especially b/c I was sitting on the exam table waiting for my high risk doc to come in and take a look at my wonky placenta (the same organ that just burst inside my sister and took little Finn from us). The doc and U/S tech (and myself, because trust, I can tell you what everything is inside of my female parts I've seen them so much) were having a tough time finding the Vasa Previa vessel which is NOT hard to find. It dangles right into my cervical opening and sometimes takes away from the beauty that is sweet Baby A. I'm usually found holding my breath as I watch the babe kick its big ol' active foot into the ugly vessel just praying that it's not possible for it to burst right then and there. This day the vessel was MIA. We all were a little dumbfounded but my thoughts were elsewhere and everyone assumed it was a fluke, that it would appear on my next U/S the following Monday (3/2). I followed up with my regular OB the next day and filled him in on my sisters son's demise as well as her placenta issues & how it heightened my concerns for my own placenta. He hadn't received the U/S review from the day prior so I filled him in on the "now missing vessel". He looked at me like "oh you poor thing.. please don't believe this is actually going to disappear"... and told me it's "highly probable to remain present in my cervix although possible that it has migrated", and gave me a half hearted grin. Although one may think he just popped my small balloon of hope right then and there,  I had faith that Angel baby Finn was hard at work upstairs for his Auntie and Cousin. 

So last Monday I go in for another high risk apt and again, they can't find the vessel. They move me to another room and call in three different docs all who shifted me in multiple positions, whispered back and forth to one another in disbelief and eventually exclaimed that in fact my Vasa Previa condition has been officially taken off the table. Yep, you read that correctly. My uterus stretched upwards enough between weeks 20 and 30 to pull the vessel out of my cervical opening and be in a position that will allow me to have a normal, low risk pregnancy and delivery. SAY WHAT?! .... nothing short of a miracle. Seriously, pinching myself. Thank you God for answering our prayers. 

I have an apt with my regular OB next Tuesday to put together a new delivery game plan, one of which I still feel inclined to do via C Section at this point. I've worked with doctors long enough to know that sometimes fast ones are thrown last minute and even they can't understand the reason (aka my Vasa Previa moving that of which they stated happens in less than 1% of cases). I don't prefer a Cs but I prefer a LIVE and HEALTHY baby, and I don't want to labor for hours in distress just wondering if that vessel is relocating & potentially going to burst and deplete my fetal blood supply. It's not a birth scenario that you want to mess with, aka it's fatal. If I have my way, which my doctor will more than likely give me knowing our entire journey to get here, I'll suggest a 37-38 week scheduled Cs. So stay tuned! But no hospital bed rest and off pelvic rest? Couldn't be happier my friends, it's like I've got a whole new lease on life. Hallelujah!

XOXO,

Andi

Heavy Hearted

It is with great sadness that I have to announce the passing of my sweet stillborn nephew, Finley Ray. My sister was 21w pregnant with him when she called me Monday morning to tell me she was en route to the hospital having contractions. She has a child already so of course she knows what contractions feel like even though I tried my best to pep talk her through the drive with "it could always be Braxton Hicks.... are you sure? Hmm, perhaps it's just ____? Well, lets just stay as calm as possible until we know". When she parked the car, her water broke so we all knew it wasn't going to be good. Once they got an US to her, there was no HB. Meanwhile, I'm sitting at my high risk appointment in the waiting room waiting for my US to check the vasa previa conditions, bawling and heartbroken for my sister. This just CANT be happening I thought...there has to be some kind of mistake. Unfortunately, there wasn't. 

For the past month my sister felt like something was wrong because she had been bleeding daily. Like, fill a maxi pad daily kind of bleeding, not just brown spotting. She had been to the ER, her OB and MFM several times at which everyone told her that she just had a "small clot" she was passing. Then it was a Subchorionic Hematoma, which essentially lead to the demise of the baby. Until the baby is mid 20s in the weeks of it's gestation there isn't much they can do if you go into pre- term labor as it cannot survive in even the NICU. So, they just kept monitoring her. Well, God had other plans for her, Finn and our family because Monday her placenta ruptured and a stillbirth of Finn was the result. They don't know if he passed Saturday or Sunday but I'd like to think it was Sunday when family and friends were not only celebrating Baby A at my family shower she attended, but also excited and filled with love and hope for Megan and Paige's pregnancies. My sister in law who lost her daughter, Angel Baby Josie last June to HLHS + Trisomy 18 and also had to deliver her stillborn, is expecting again and is only 2 weeks behind my sisters former due date in July. I'd like to think Finn was surrounded with love when God decided he was needed in heaven. 

I went to be with my sister during her delivery as I couldn't bear knowing she had to go through it without me there to support her. At 28 weeks pregnant myself, I know the smartest thing may have been to avoid witnessing such a horrendous sight and traumatic experience, but my sister is the rock in her marriage and her husband is an emotional wreck. I knew she needed someone to hold her hand who could stand strong and omit as much strength as possible through her somehow to get through this. I tried my hardest, but of course there's no way to hold back the tears and hide the pain with something so so tragic. She passed a blood clot larger than her placenta before Finn arrived, and her ruptured placenta thankfully expelled vs. having to do a D&C. We got to hold Finn, at just under 1 lb and he looked like a mini version of her older son, with my grandpas nose that her and I also share. I wish I could say that at 21w they look peaceful & normal, but they don't. I'll never be able to erase the memory from my mind, but I'm so thankful that I know that I met him and got to see what an Angel on Earth looks like. I was able to snap some pictures for them of the first time they got to see him and the picture says 1,000 words. She was thankful to have it so I'm thankful I took a second to step back and document his arrival in body, but long gone in spirit. 

Rest in Peace our sweet Angel, Finley. I know you'll be watching over me and "Baby A" the rest of this pregnancy, and that I'll get to hold you again in a happier time in place. Auntie loves you. 

XOXO,

Andi

Eat in Kitchen Banquette - Weekend Project!

Let me just tell ya, this is pretty dreamy everybody. When we built the house, the only thing that came to mind for this open space off the kitchen was a reading nook/sitting area and/or an eat in kitchen banquette. It turns out, it can be used for both (and I also may or may not bring down my laptop from my home office and work from here in the future). It's view is of the back yard/open field nature preserve and the views are much better than the grey wall in our second guest room slash office. This room is right off our kitchen and flows into our living room whereas our dining room is right when you walk in the front door. It's a little more private which is nice for special events, but in the end, I think we'll use this eat in space daily. We have bar stools and seating now in the kitchen on the islands we eat at half the time but there's something scary about the vision of a bumbo chair sitting on a swivel stool that just doesn't sit right with me ;) 

I think I've taken 100 pics of it, and now sit on the couch for my coffee just to have view of this pretty new addition. I'll be hanging the deer/elk antler light fixture to bring in the rustic element to the room I love, and I need to have a custom bench pad made + add lots of colorful cozy pillows. There will be two chairs added on the non bench side and some curtains over the sliding back doors when I find the fabric I like, but all of that aside, the biggest {hardest part} is DONE! We loved the one I built in the nursery so much that we figured we'd do {and by we I mean me-- ugh, my husband is NOT handy} one in our eat in kitchen + a bench door to lift for storage. I figure this way, when people come to visit I can shove all the kid toys into the hutch, out of sight, and make my main floor look like it has it's shit together ;) Genius eh? 

I did learn my lesson here though. My sciatica hurt so bad after 8 hours working on this Saturday that I couldn't even WALK. No joke, I put myself on bedrest at 6:30pm and didn't MOVE again until Sunday at 8a! Lord, never again. I'm accepting help from here on out b/c that ish was PAINFUL. My mind is still working at the pace of a non pregnant person toting around 25 additional pounds. 

Here are some before/during/after pics. I'll update once we have it put entirely together, but I'm allowing myself a few months leeway to get the rest done :) It's such a simple project, if you have interest feel free to ask for the 'how to', I'll share!

BEFORE : BORRRRING

DURING!!!

AFTER!!!

elk/deer fixture will replace this one

2 of these bad boys will be facing the banquette: love love love! 

If you have any great fabric sites or drape sights you've had luck with for pillows and seating and such, I'm open for suggestions. But, the vision is slowly but surely coming together. Hope you all had a fun, relaxing and productive weekend as well {sans sciatica pain}!


XOXO,
Andi